Out of sorts

I was a little bit bored and so I found myself a life (of sorts)

I was a little bit bored and then I found myself a life
- of sorts
And then I found myself a wife
- of sorts
(Ouch ! She hit me !)
And then I found myself out
- of sorts
- with my wife
Of sorts
And my life
- of sorts.

Kind of a thought
- of sorts

About my life
- of sorts.

I hate cooking

Grass harvested from the moon,
Herbs that grew on a glacier in the Andes,
Pollen that floated from Everest,
2 hours shopping,
2 hours in the kitchen,
10 minutes eating,
1 hour washing up,
3 hours crying -

I HATE cooking!

November 2007

Upside down

Maybe shadows are actually real,
And the rain’s falling up, not down,
And the sun only shines on bad days
And a smile is in fact a frown.

Maybe the weather’s worse in Haiwaii,
Maybe drink makes me BETTER for wear -
Maybe when I laugh I’m weeping,
And when I’m polite I swear.

Maybe it’s all an illusion,
Perhaps it’s just me that feels mad:
Maybe the only solution
Is to be permanently unhappy-glad.

Granddaughter

Sleeping on my grandma
Like a cosy slug,
Heavy in my stillness
In her gentle hug.

Words

He’s not in ‘cos he’s out;
She’s not out ‘cos she’s in -
Shouldn’t somebody
Make tautology a sin ?

Wallflower

Ah well, sweet peas
Let us tremble at the knees,
No one knows my name -
Now isn’t that a shame?

Living with cat

I was looked after by a cat once -
It didn’t run over me in its car
Or yowl and howl at me
When I tripped in its path,

Nor did it slam the door in my face
When I begged for food,
Or throw cold water
Over my copulating misdeeds late at night
Or swear at me
When I crapped on its lawn.

Yes, I could tell it was a good cat,
And so I let it feed me.

Now, aged 95 (or 10 years in cat terms)
I patrol groggily its lawns and crocus-beds,
Frighten off mice (just for the hell of it)
And am pleased to yodel pleasingly
At 4 o’clock in the morning.

Today, however, I’m off on a trip to the vets,
And am no longer sure whether I’ll be coming back.

This is this

This is this
And that is as it should be:
Who knows,
There’s no telling
And in the end
It will be
Because
All over the place
Things aren’t what they seem,
Never are
Since ‘It’s all in the eye of the beholder’
And ‘What do you know?’

I know prose that says nothing
In a rhyme
Says lots of things, really.

Meeting

I didn’t like him, he didn’t like me,
I have no idea why that should be.

Poet’s Life

A poet’s life is not half bad,
In fact it is a little sad -
Sat in front of reams of paper,
Eating now and eating later.

Me and my video recorder

I once programmed a video-recorder -
Sat there for hours growing
Tetchy
And
Grumpy,
Melded mind with plastic machine,
Brain-cells with paper instructions,
Feelings with electricity and silicon junctions.

Finally broke through to
ENLIGHTENMENT
And found myself staring AGHAST and
FLABBERHASTED
At a remote
THAT SEEMED TO BE DOING ITS JOB!

Lost the battery the next week,
Week after that the video got kicked,
Week after that unplugged,
And then my kids pressed all the wrong buttons.

Now my buttons stay firmly UNPRESSED,
I will not rise to the bait of HOW EASY IT IS,
Nor will I describe in loving detail to my friends
HOW CONVENIENT IT’S MADE MY LIFE.

It sits there, sulking and glowering,
And I ignore it,
Best way to deal with
MACHINES THAT DON’T WANT TO FUNCTION!

Life

If life is but a dream,
Why is it that I want to scream ?
And if instead a nightmare,
Who was it said, ‘Put that one there?’

T.V. thoughts

That the flickering owl in the corner
Eats my spirit
No one can deny:
But beat me with a banana,
Splash my face in water,
Chase me with your hoop la,
I’m not gonna die.

That the flickering owl with the wide eye
Is good for me
No one can deny:
But feed me with its opium,
Spear me with magic uranium,
Don’t bust my head with your learningum,
I don’t wanna fly.