Snacks

Bread and butter for my tea,
Slugs and worms for snacks:
I know you don’t believe me
But those are the ACTUAL facts.

Racing pigeon

The racing pigeon’s extremely fast
When chasing after food,
All other birds are pushed aside,
Which is extremely rude.

Dragon

If you see a Dragon
Sitting in a boat,
Scare that little Dragon
By saying her boat won’t float.

Mum’s view

Fish fingers for her dinner,
And butter for her tea -
No wonder she is fonder
Of her Daddy than of me.

Spots

The Leopard’s spots
Cannot be caught,
Unlike measles
Which you catch off weasels.

Custard

If all the custard in the sea
Was second helpings just for me,
Would I ask for more ?
I’m really not that sure.

Picture

There’s a picture on the wall,
Of me when I was quite small:
Who’d have thought
I was so short ?

Angels

Angel 1 and Angel 2,
Fast asleep in bed -
Tell me, little angels,
What’s in an angel’s head ?

Digging in the garden

Out in the garden,
Playing in the sun -
Pulling up the flowers
Is everso much fun.

Clean fish

Every fish that’s ever been
Has tried at some stage keeping clean,
Which is quite tough in dirty water
(But Mummys always say you oughta).

My little lord

Sitting on the carpet,
Looking at T.V -
This is how I like it,
Everything brought to me.

The Cat with a smile

The Cat with a Smile
Will wait for a while,
Cleaning its paws
And sharpening its claws,
Though for what I don’t know -
Perhaps it’s just show?

If there’s a mouse nearby,
Perhaps it should go.

The little seed

Blown on the wind,
Trampled by the rain,
The little seed must find its place
And grow a tree again.

See-saw

See-saw, Marjorie Daw,
Clickety-bang wallop
Bang bang click -
Looks like this see-saw needs mending.

Bath

When I’m in the bath,
I like to play for hours -
Splashing water on the floor,
Building big foam towers.

Boo!

Little star,
Shining bright,
Went ‘BOO!!’
Gave Moon a fright!

I hadn’t seen the sea before

I hadn’t seen the sea before,
(Which isn’t strange since I am four) -
I hadn’t seen the sea before,
It’s really BIG out there.

I hadn’t seen the sea before,
(The waves keep rushing to my feet!)
I hadn’t seen the sea before,
I’ve just got to stare.

Cuthbert

Has anyone seen Cuthbert ?
He hasn’t had his cuthtard.
He is a naughty boy -
He left his saveloy!

Old cat

If you see an ancient cat
Staring out to sea,
Give it a little tap on the back
And say it was from me.

Lemmings

The lemming travels far and wide
To throw itself to death:
Someone must have told the lemming
The lemming’s got bad breath.

Spiders

I couldn’t sleep for spiders,
Spiders climbing everywhere -
I couldn’t sleep for spiders,
Spiders all round me.

I couldn’t sleep for spiders,
Spiders climbing in my hair:
I couldn’t sleep for spiders -
They’re all that I can see.

I couldn’t sleep for spiders
(Someone keep the light on bright!):
I couldn’t sleep for spiders,
Oh! What a terrible night!

Naughty children

Football in the classroom,
Teacher’s just gone out:
Little Willie Nelson
Was told to give a shout.
Oh, she’s coming back!
Oh! We cannot wait!
Little Willie Nelson’s
Been left to his sad fate.

Out on a cold day

Out on a cold day,
Out in the sun -
It doesn’t really matter
When you’re having fun.

Bin and gone

The binmen have bin,
The bin has gone -
This is the end
Of my silly song.

Little kitten

Little kitten rolling around,
Chasing a piece of string,
Fluid in its beauty,
Amazed at everything.

Nobody saw what I saw

Nobody saw what I saw,
The strange thing in the sky;
All they did was comfort me -
“What WAS it made him cry?”

Aeroplanes

When aeroplanes fly
They fracture the sky:
But the cracks are quite clean,
And so can’t be seen.

Bee-eautiful

Now someone please explain
This mystery to me:
The life and loves, the habits,
The miracle of the Bee.

It doesn’t flip down sideways,
It doesn’t crash and groan -
It cheats the laws of physics
As it Bumbles its way home.

31/3/00

Cat Song

The cat was proud, it’s neck was long,
It played a howly, wincey song
That struck the neighbours in the head -
They wished that bastard cat was dead.

Bogies

Bogies come in different shapes,
In different colours, different weights,
Some are straggly, long and thin,
Some are wet and won’t stay in.

Some are smeared across my face
(Losing them would be a waste),
Whilst others must be flicked away
Because they cling and want to stay.

My sister says bogies taste great,
She’d love to eat them off her plate!
But since her nose is now empty
She’ll have to have a proper tea.

It’s not fair!

It’s not fair!

I don’t see why my brother has all his friends round,
When mine have gone home for tea.

It’s not fair!

It’s not fair when he climbs on the garage roof and gets told off,
But I get told off before I even try.

It’s not fair when he has the water-gun
But mine’s broken (because I broke it).

It’s not fair when the T.V’s on and all he watches is cartoons,
When I want to watch Mary Poppins.

It’s not fair when he has a sweet,
And it’s not fair when I have a sweet,
And sometimes I want to scream because it’s just not fair!
No it’s not!
It’s not fair!

It’s not fair when I want to push into the bathroom and he won’t let me in,
It’s not fair when none of my clothes look right,
It’s not fair when I get tickled,
And it’s not fair when he gets tickled,
And sometimes it’s Just Not Fair!

Children

Two kids,
Two tunes,
Played together
Like two spoons.

My Doll’s Got a Sister

My doll’s got a sister,
Little sister.
My doll likes me,
But she likes her little sister more.

‘That’s O.K,’ I say,
‘Sister’s are good.’

Mummy says I’ll have a sister soon
(Only not to be surprised if it’s a brother,
Because sometimes even adults can’t tell) -
I don’t care.

My doll’s got a brother, too.

20/8/01

Sometimes When I Sit

Sometimes when I sit,
For a little _ ,
I find that what I do
Is a massive -.

And when I suck my thumb
I forget it’s touched my -,
And that the wetness on my knee
Is in fact my -.

Still, I clean myself, look smart,
Go downstairs and have a-,
Look at Mum, shout “What!?”
Then smear away my -.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

When my Dad left my Mum
They didn’t have a fight.

Not really.

Mum told him to go -
And he went.

Threatened to come back, though,
So she KNIFED him (with her mind).

‘You get out!’ she screamed,
‘It’s D.I.V.O.R.C.E!’

Which it was.

That was a year ago,
And they still love me -
Or so they say.

But I don’t know.

Does love die just like that ?

Will they stop loving me ?

It’s made me look at this world just a little bit sadly.

July 2001

This little red sock

This little red sock’s
Floating round all free -
This little red sock’s
Here to torment me!

This little red sock’s
Hiding in the drum:
This little red sock
Is having so much fun!

This little red sock’s
Dyed my clothes all pink -
This little red sock’s
Made my wardrobe shrink!

Spot

Squeeze the bugger out,
Let out a little shout,
There is not the slightest doubt -
That hurt!

Little Reggie

Little Reggie had a tongue
That acted like an extra thumb
And turned around within his nose
To pick the bogies that he chose.

Now one day, feeling clever,
He needed a short lever -
And having none to hand,
He did something unplanned.

‘My tongue will do the trick,
Instead of a short stick :
If I put it in there …..!’ -
He paused, then pulled his hair.

‘How stupid of me!’ shouted Reg.,
‘I’ve got the brainpowers of a veg.!
It’s far too soft, and now I see
That this will end disastrously!’

‘I need to make my tongue like rock -
Perhaps some fierce electric shock :
Or maybe reinforce the flesh
(Though that could really make a mess.)’

‘Or if it’s frozen, stuck out straight’…..
But suddenly ’twas far too late,
For Reggie’s tongue jammed in his snout
And no one heard his gargled shout.

And though his fingers scrabbled round
Poor Reggie quickly (sadly) found
They forced his tongue more up his nose -
Briefly, Reg. , that’s how life goes.

2/00

Are Martians real?

Are Martians real?

Yes.

Daaaad….

Yes, they’re real.

Do they hurt you ?

No. Not the fat ones.

Are there thin ones ?

Yes. It’s the thin ones you have to watch out for.
They eat you from the inside out.

Daaaad.

But don’t worry, there’s no thin ones here,
Not in this house.
They’ve all gone.
They’ve been eaten.
By the fat ones.

Daaaad…..

Are Martians real ?

Crook

‘You’re just the local handyman,’
The local crook told me:
But my sort of handy’s useful
And people like it when I’m free.

The Giraffe was rather proud

The Giraffe was rather proud
And publicly would shout aloud
How long its neck, how low the cloud -
How GRAND it stood above the crowd!

This wasn’t good for Zebra,
Who didn’t feel so clever,
And wanting to be MORE
It rolled across the floor.

‘Just look at Horsey!’ shouted Neck,
But Horsey’s brain being up to spec.
It kicked out with all its might one hoof
And sent Giraffe screaming through the roof.

‘I’m really sorry,’ wailed our Zeb.
But acting like the coarsest pleb.
It snickered as it chewed some grass
And praised the Lord for the last laugh.

January 2000

The Caterpillar ate in style

The Caterpillar ate in style,
And liked to flash a cabbage-smile
On noting absent pesticides
Which would have messed up its insides.

‘Organic’s best!’ it did exclaim,
‘I much prefer that healthy game -
If only all the farmer’s fields
Weren’t farmed to maximise their yields!’

‘My children then would feel quite free
To multiply prodigiously,
And I – well I would spend my days,
Chewing in a cabbage daze.’

Of course our bug was not to know
That farmer (really not that slow)
Had found a little fly that viewed
Our bug’s soft flesh as gourmet food.

With shrieks our caterpillar saw
A fly upon its leafy floor,
And with a yell it ceased to be -
That fly ate it complete-er-ly.

31/3/00