I know what women are

I know what women are.

Women drag knives down each others’ backs,
Stick in the small-minded safety of the group,
Raucously protect their stupidity with vicious rage -

I know what women are.

Women are two-timing, hard-faced liars thinking only of themselves,
Manipulative snakes in the grass,
Daubed fools knowing it all in a nightmare of errors.

I know what women are.

Women collect shoes, marry crooks for money, incite their men,
Use their mind-skills to evade personal responsibility,
Are jealous, mean-spirited, calculating and cold.

I know what women are.

No no no!

Women are not like that!

Women are full of love,
Dream for their children,
Race boats,
Cross rivers,
Climb mountains
And perform complex surgery on brain-dead men.

Women sing with soft voices,
Scream with laughter in the bar,
Dance round midnight fires on sandy beaches
And crawl home exhausted in the early hours.

I know what women are.

Women fart loudly, belch proudly,
Pick their noses, eat scabs,
And look immaculate to the boss.
They pray for peace,
Braid hair,
Cuddle toddlers,
Eat too much chocolate
And throw computers out of windows.

I know what women are!

Women are brilliant!

2009