Bringing up Children

Eyes in the back of my head
Like a hawk
As the children play,

Ears like a bat's
For arguments,

Tuned in like a shark
For blood and tears,

Nose like a dog for
FIRE, PERFUME,SPILT MILK, NAIL VARNISH,

Timing like a snake's
FOR GETTING THEM BACK,

Claws like a panther's
FOR PUTTING THEM DOWN
When uppity,

Hands like an octopus's
For drinks, doors, food and smacks
(No SNACKS,
Misspelling)

Brain like a computer
For calculating their mood
Their friends' moods
The last time they ate
And, 'Who's not had a toilet break?'

Mouth like a lawyer's
For Persuasion,

Skin like a Rhino's for
Swearing
Insults
Bad behaviour

Digestive system like a tank
(For grinding up all their leftovers - naughty)

Two brains for shopping
(One for them, one on the food)

Three for when they're outside
(One listening, one cooking, one for the radio)

Four for when it's tea-time
(One for fights, one for T.V, one for the meal, one for Emergencies)

Energy of a horse
(To keep going where Company Chairmen would flag)

Decision-making powers of a General
(For snap judgements that will affect the rest of their lives)
Game plan of a chess-master
(For every day, month and year ahead)

Napping ability of a cat
(For instant recovery)

Analytical ability of a psychiatrist
(What was THAT all about?)

Patience of a missileer
(For surviving it all)

Lungs like a whale's
(For venting frustration)

Pockets of a bank
(For endless treats)

Skills of a medic
(Just in case)

Restraint of a warrior
(When driven mad)

Diplomacy of an ambassador
(For their friend's parents)

Drive of an entrepeneur
(To get them to school)

Tolerance of a saint
(For when things go wrong)

Love of a mother.

Heck,
That IS the love of a mother

AND a Dad.

Oct. 2001